Self Revulsion/ “People Pleasing”

I’m sure we’ve all heard the term “self love” right? Nowadays we have so many people who claim that they don’t “love” themselves. It’s quite funny how these same people choose themselves over others in the blink of an eye. Everyone wants to live comfortably, everyone wants to be happy, everyone wants “good” for themselves.

Now, those people love themselves, perhaps not in a narcissistic way, but they do; however, still love themselves!

Allow me to divert for a bit. You know “people pleasers” right? Those people who would bend over backwards just to make others “happy”. They would burn their own bridge to help you build yours. That doesn’t seem like such a bad thing when considering the fact that most of us believe in sacrificial love. That; too, isn’t love! It’s a sickness!

This sickness gives you the impression that you are making people happy at your expense. You’re on some self righteous, self-sacrificial bullshit! If you think the people you love are happy seeing you put yourself trough that, then you’re more insane than you think.

Something has damaged you so bad inside that you’re incapable of allowing yourself to be genuinely happy! You’re incapable of putting yourself first. So any chance you get to put someone first, you take it! They let you down, and you feel good about yourself. You get the be the victim. Hooray!

“Poor me”

“It’s not fair”

“Why me?”

“Am I not good enough?”

“Maybe I don’t deserve happiness”

Sick bastard! If you keep that shit up long enough you’ll be of no use alive. Might as well just off yourself right now yeah? It’s your fucking life, not someone else’s! Don’t get mad that people won’t burn their bridges for you just because you would. It’s not anyone’s fault that you don’t value yourself. Happiness is not “deserved” so if you want it, get it! Period!

Okay so perhaps you never got that “love” or acceptance growing up, you tried to get it from your siblings, failed, friends, failed, relationships, failed! Fail fail fail! So now you decide to take it anyway you can. Regardless of how empty, fake or forced, you just want to feel like you somehow matter, or needed in a way. Truth is, if that’s your thinking, you’ve got your thoughts all twisted and fucked up!

Tell yourself “I’ll be fine” all you want. You won’t! It’s not magic, it won’t just happen. You gotta own your shit and take it as it is. Don’t like it? Bye bye!




noun | xe·no·pho·bia |

ˌze-nə-ˈfō-bē-ə, ˌzē-

: fear and hatred of strangers or foreigners or of anything that is strange or foreign

Merriam-Webster’s definition of “xenophobia”

This is arguably the best definition I’ve come across. Xenophobia is categorized by the fear and hatred of the unknown. Fear in simple terms is cause or reason for alarm.

Fear brings out the worst and the best in us. The worst speaks for itself, I need not mention. The best though; as I’ve seen lately, can really surprise you! From the likes of Julius Malema speaking so much sense, to growing unity.

This fear; often misplaced, is fear nonetheless. Seeing the atrocity that is presently going in South Africa; from the outside, it becomes very easy to get riled up. I too, was so furious when I watched what was happening.

We start wondering why the people behind the xenophobic acts are so cold. “Why?” Just why? We ask. As an African, I’m disappointed. So many people feel strongly about what’s happening and rightly so.

I personally take a lot of pride in being African. A Southern African and West African came together, now here I am. I never quite fit into one place so I’ve always been “foreign”.

This was never a problem for me personally. I actually appreciated it. I don’t have that typical nationalistic mindset. Not to say that it’s bad or anything, it’s just that I now identify as an African. I’m not confined to one thing/place.

I do not belong to one country. When I’m with Zimbabweans, we click. When I meet a Nigerian, I say fam. Ghanaians are my people, Namibia is my home, Botswana is my sanctuary. I relate to Ivorians on another level.

I’ve come to find parts of myself in many different people from all parts of the world. In fact, scratch that! I’m human before I’m African. In China, they accepted me. Yes, they did!

Ok, so they may have been a tad racist and ignorant, but that wasn’t their fault. If you knew how China tries to keep the outside world from its people you’d understand why they are the way they are. Exposure is key.

Once I learnt how to speak their language, we were one. We connected, we bonded, we got along. Many said before getting to know me, they never thought they could like blacks.

Yes! That sounds wrong but it isn’t. We can’t blame people for feeling the way they do or thinking they way they do. As bad as that sounds, it’s the truth.

Sit on your high horse and feel good about yourself for ranting on Twitter. The truth is, your angry tweets won’t change anything. Your hashtags won’t solve anything.

Firstly, before I speak on the Xenophobic South Africans, allow me to start with Boko Haram. Not too long ago the world was going hard on #BringBackOurGirls.

Today, Boko Haram is threatening to go put a stop to Xenophobia and now they’re being hailed and praised. I know, I laughed as I wrote that down too. Funny enough, they laughed and mocked the trending hashtag.

Fact of the matter is, people are people. I will never ever condone inhumane acts. But I won’t pretend like I wouldn’t do the same thing in their shoes. That thing of we are all villains in someone’s story? Yeah!

Before your natural judgy instinct kicks in, hear me out for a bit. Multiple behavioral studies have shown that in the right circumstance, condition and environment, a murderer can be a saint. An “angel” can be a demon. There are no “good” people.

The thing is, these people carrying out these xenophobic attacks are messed up on levels we can never fathom until we ourselves have experienced what they went through. They are as good as dead inside. Inhumane!

As you’re reading this right now, one of 2 things will be going through your mind. One, you’ll either understand what I’m trying to say, or you’ll get all angry and self righteous at my “stupidity”. Take it or leave it, it is what it is.

|| “Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.”

Proverbs 18:2 NLT

Nobody is born wicked. Nobody is born racists. All of that is learnt; or better yet, conditioned. I can only imagine how little humanity exists in one who is capable of watching another person burn alive.

Not flinching, not being moved by the pain their fellow human being is being put through, finding joy or pleasure in hearing the anguish and screams of a dying man.

I’m not asking anyone to forgive these acts, I’m not asking for us to tolerate that, I’m just trying to raise awareness. We’ve been at each other’s throats for the longest time. Kill or be killed, it never ends.

Nothing will change until we change. It’s always nice to be the fighter that people cheer for. You get a heroes death. Sadly your followers suffer for it. They’re left to deal with what’s left after the fighting.

There was racism, there was slavery, there was apartheid, now there’s xenophobia. What’s next? Something much, much worse I fear! We fear each other because we are too divided!

You impact the life of every person you meet. Your encounter can either fuel a person’s hatred, or put out the fire. That tiny spark has a ripple effect and along the line you are responsible for what they turn out to be.

We are all capable of bad, we are all capable of good. Let’s be people first, before anything else, otherwise we ought to just get used to burning each other in one way or the other and use nice little tweets to help sleep better at night.


People Pleasing

An age old story. In one way or the other, we all seek some form of “approval” from people. Overtime this led to going as far as trying to “please” people, just for that approval.

Honestly, I can’t claim to be completely over it. Seriously though, nobody wants to be disliked or hated on. But is people pleasing all that bad? In some ways it’s a good thing, actually, it can push you to put out the very best possible. It can “raise” your standards.

However, it gets plain out stupid when it stops you from being your true self, or when it stands in the way of you living your life. (Not that thing people do by simply breathing and waking up every morning).

I’ve said this so many times; and I wish I came up with it; sadly I didn’t, there’s no such thing as pleasing people. In one way or the other, they will always find fault with what you do or do not do.

And this is a good thing! Because if it’s true that there’s no pleasing people, then that also means that there’s no disappointing them as well. Think about it, if you can’t please me, and I know it, how then will I be disappointed?

So let go and let God, as they say… Live your life! Make your choices, not someone else’s. Nobody really cares and it doesn’t matter if they do or not. It’s your life, live it, love it!


Liebester Award

I would like to thank Calum Murphy for nominating me !! Thanks a lot, I’m honored! You are an awesome writer.

The Rules are:

1. Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you.

2. Share 11 facts about yourself.

3. Answer the 11 questions the blogger(s) asked you.

4. Nominate 11 bloggers and make them happy!!

5. Make up to 11 questions and ask your nominees.

6. Nominate 11 bloggers and make them happy.

11 facts about myself :

1. I am a tad lazy yet also very hard working.

2. I’m an Actor.

3. I’m a little crazy, maybe a bit more than a little.

4. I’m a Scorpio, yes, horoscopes make sense!

5. I’m very soft hearted but I can be as cold as death.

6. I’m humble.

7. I’m a tad naive.

8. I’m a hopeless romantic but I’m trying to change.

9. I love people!

10. I love reading.

11. Motivation is key! You can do anything in life!

Answers :

1. That’s a tough one but I’ll go with Imagine Dragons.

2. Lady Gaga 🌚

3. Harry Potter

4. Mr. Popular

5. Math

6. Dog

7. Library

8. No specs

9. Purple

10. E mail

11. More time

My questions:

1. Favorite music genre?

2. What’s your niche?

3. Favourite Author?

4. What inspires you?

5. Worst fear?

6. Cat or Dog?

7. Favorite musician?

8. Have you ever written whilst drunk/high?

9. Favorite colour?

10. What’s the one thing you’d kill for?

11. Have more time or have more Money?

My nominees :

1. the.verve_ (WRN)

2. Calum Murphy

3. A_bena (WRN)

4. Bismark (WRN)

5. Uvashnee Govander

6. Karen (WRN)

7. Cristian Mihai

8. Frank Solanki

9. Paul Adkin

10. Aino-Junie

11. Samira Mohana

Denial: You can’t undo what’s done!

Insanity is thinking that you can go back to being who you once were before life “broke” you. You can try and put the pieces back together, but it’ll just never be the same. Don’t deny your “past”, accept it!

We sometimes think we were better before, but one undeniable fact about the human race is that we change for the better. Yes, we occasionally make things worse but we evolve. All change is necessary and ultimately vital to enable us to move forward. It’s sometimes painful and unpleasant, but vital!

Perhaps you’ve lost certain morals, you’ve developed new habits that you’re not too pleased with. Perfectly understandable. Although doing away with certain habits may be good, doing away with that “new you” isn’t.

There’s a reason life pushed you down a certain path. There’s a reason you became someone else; something else. Embrace it! Try and understand why, face it! Don’t run away from it or try to burry it.

Someone once told me, “Your messed up-ness may just be what someone needed.” I felt that. I came to later realize how true that was. One of the biggest problems is opinions. We all have them. We’re all entitled to them. But as I said, it’s a problem! Why?

Because we tend to think our opinions make more sense than that of others. We want people to be a certain way that makes sense to us. We want them to look a certain way, dress, speak, act, pray, f*ck, you name it!

This has caused a lot of confusion and self-conflict in many people. My advice is, don’t let someone’s opinion dictate how you feel about yourself. Introspection is just as important as perception. In simple terms, what you think is equally as important as what others think.

We were all brought here, no one came and set things to be a certain way, we’re all trying to figure things out. No one knows it all, and that’s ok. Listen to guidance, learn from others, but don’t be a slave to them!


Letting go?

Letting go… Easier said than done, right? How does one simply leave behind their life’s work? After pouring out your heart and soul entirely on something or someone, how do you just flick the switch and leave it all behind?

How can you restart? How can you rebuild? It’s almost impossible seeing as there’s not much left to give after giving your all. Not many can relate because not many are, quote unquote, dumb enough to put all their eggs in one basket.

I was one of those “dumb” people. I could tell you my whole story but that’s just it, it would be a story to you because you won’t be able to comprehend how serious my loss is. You just can’t fathom the agony the experience has caused.

Here I lay, pondering on the thought of bowing out. Why? You may ask.. Because I’m convinced there’s really nothing left to give. I’m just a shell of a man now. Empty, envious and angry!

Angry at myself, angry at the world. Yes, no one asked me to bend over backwards and break, but I did it anyway. No one asked me to invest all my time and efforts in any endeavor, but I did. Like a shattered glass, no matter how the pieces are put back together, it will just never be the same.

The damage is done! The price must be paid. For I can no longer bare, to live with this shame. Tis my desire, that hope I can reclaim, but if I’m being honest, things will stay the same. So for me, I believe it’s the end of the game.


Social Media

A place to broadcast a lie

Looking successful, with no need to try

Not made in China but it’s still fake

Your life, it can break, but also make

All dependent upon choices

With lots of overwhelming voices

You see what we want, not what’s real

Because good, is all we want to feel

Fake it till you make it is what they say

Following the trend seems to be the only way

Modern day slavery, AKA social media

It’s it real life, just someone’s idea